When you think about your flaws, you instantly think of all of the supposed weaknesses you have. These are probably the things you spend a lot of time trying to hide from everyone else rather than knowing how to ask for help with them. We live in a society that has conditioned us to strive for this image of perfection, and any flaws, whether it be a tendency to be late or a blemish on an apple, often get categorised and stampted as “bad”.
Here are 5 reasons your flaws are actually teaching you how to ask for help.
1. No One Just “Knows” How To Ask For Help
A lot of us can pride ourselves on the image of independence that we project, which seems to make it even harder to know how to ask for help. It seems like an acknowledgement that we’ve fallen short somehow, even though no one should be expected to be able to do absolutely everything on their own anyway.
Without our flaws, we take away so many opportunities to interact with other people. In a world where everything has tried to move online, we’ve created a lot of artificial, so-called “communities” but in doing so, we’ve also pressured ourselves into showing up perfect for these communities.
We need to bring back the crying circles, the venting over a cup of coffee, the admission of just how bad our mornings went – but admitting our own fuck ups, rather than blaming the world around us to try and preserve an unrealistic image of perfection and extreme self sufficiency.
2. There’s only so much you can learn on Youtube and Pinterest
I’ll be the first to admit that both Youtube and Pinterest are at the top of my go-to’s when it comes to not being able to do something. While yes, I’ve been able to learn how to do an incredible amount of things online, there comes a time when even I had to learn how to ask for help along the way. Sometimes that help isn’t about learning how to do it yourself, but silencing that voice that tells you that you even have to do it yourself.
Yes, you could build that kitchen yourself, but what kind of headache or strain on your friendships is it going to bring?
Yes, you could hand make all of the party favours for your kids birthday, but are the other one year olds going to remember or are you just worried about what the other mums will think?
Yes, you possibly could cook that three course meal, but are you going to burn your house down because you fell asleep exhausted on the couch and forgot the stove was on?
Sometimes its about admitting that was is actually best for you in that moment, is to ask for someone else to help you.
3.You deserve love too, bitch
If you’re one of those nurturing, over giving types, then chances are, you’re probably pretty rubbish at accepting and receiving love from other people. In this context, I’m referring to the struggle with just accepting someone wanting to help without asking or expecting anything in return.
Maybe you’re in the habit of instantly wanting to give something back when someone does do something nice for you, instead of just practicing the art of saying “thank you”. This doesn’t mean you have to be a grinch and never do anything for anyone else, but do it because you want to, not in reaction to someone giving you something.
Next time someone does something for you, learn how to say “thank you” rather than overcommitting yourself further to try and show them you’re thanking them.
4. Recognise what the actual weakness is
None of us actually like having our flaws pointed out, and that’s part of the reason why shame lingers the way it does. The real weakness isn’t whatever shortcoming you’ve identified and tried to overcompensate for, but instead it’s actually the inability to cop to the fact it’s there in the first place. Having an awareness of the things you need to work on is a great thing, and without it, we don’t achieve that personal growth we all keep wanking on about.
Knowing how to ask for help is a skillset that gets taken for granted, and it’s not a matter of throwing yourself a pity party – it’s about identifying that shame story when it comes up and using it as an opportunity to better yourself because of it.
5. You’re not impressing anyone
Sure, you might be an absolute super mum. Yes, it is very amazing that you were able to do all of those things on your own. But driving yourself to burn out for the sake of maintaining an image that you can do it all isn’t going to impress anyone. You’re are just as amazing on the days that you need to take a break. Or on those days that you need to say actually, I’m struggling, can you come and give me a hand?
If you are feeling overwhelmed, look at the excuses you make for yourself rather than asking for help. WHY do you tell yourself that you can’t ask for help? Do you worry about being a burden? Are you worried that it will change this “strong” image you portray. Do you worry that it’ll mean you owe someone something? IF there’s a negative connotation behind asking for help, check out the bonus point….
Bonus – if you get judged for asking for help, ask someone else
There are going to be people in your life that aren’t supportive. The one’s who judge who right off the bat and enable your weaknesses, even going as far as mocking you for it.
We call those people assholes.
It takes a hell of a lot to be vulnerable and tell someone that you’re struggling with something; that you need help. No matter what the reason is,
If this is what your support network looks like, it is not a reflection on you as a person but rather your choice on who you surround yourself with. It’s not a matter of needing to get over it, but rather a need to get better friends or support in your life.
If you’re unsure about how to ask for help, remember the fact you’re even admitting there’s a need to ask is an achievement in itself.
Next step is find a safe space and let yourself ask.
Dana Maree xx